Hurst's First – An Adventure in Having a Baby

And the countdown begins …

on October 5, 2012

20 Weeks – Halfway there!

I just hit my 20 week mark and well…whatever it’s just another week, right?  HAHAHA … riiiiiiight.  That’s what I thought initially … “Oh … 20 weeks … cool”.  And then it hits me. It may have been the multiple updates I received from my prego iphone app … actually, I KNOW that’s what it was.

“Congratulations … You’re 20 weeks … You’re HALF WAY THROUGH YOUR PREGNANCY!”  Whooohoo.  Wait … WHAT?  Hold the phone.  I’m at my half way point?!?  I feel like I just started to look pregnant and not just chunky and I’m just beginning to adjust and somewhat come to terms with the fact that I can’t eat (OR DRINK) everything I want and I’m half way through??  Part of me started to celebrate and then the other part of me started to panic a little bit.  Ok, A LOT a bit.

The side of me that was celebrating was excited about being that much closer to meeting this little life growing in my belly … excited about going back to being able to eat and drink what I want and be able to be myself again … excited about no more crying (at least not from me) and most of all, excited about no more being uncomfortable all the time in one way or another … I can go back to being myself.  Or can I?  I know all those parents reading this right now are laughing.

Yes I can go back to being myself but….noooooo, not really. We’re going to have a BABY.  That changes everything.  Then all the questions start to pop up in my head.  Am I ready for this? Can I handle being a mom? Emotionally … financially?  Matt and I are so great together by ourselves and that’s all we’ve known.  How are we going to be with a baby?  I’ve heard so many stories and not all of them good and it’s scary to say the least.

I keep thinking…well, I have 20 more weeks to figure it out.  And people keep telling me, that you’re never really ever perfectly 100% ready for a baby.  You feel like you can always be richer … In a better place with life … in a bigger apartment, what no, I want to be in a HOUSE!  And the list goes on and on.  I am the kind of person that can keep going and going until my head is about to explode and then I can’t let it go.  I have a dwelling problem. I’m a dweller.  There I said it.  I can admit my imperfections.

I mean, if this crazy chick can have a baby, I certainly can, right?!

And I continue to think about these things but it’s not keeping me up at night.  They are just there in the back of my head driving me to be better at everything and I’m trying.  It’s a work in progress and I admit I am no where near having all the answers or even any of them for that fact.  But I know there are others who have done this before me who haven’t been as fortunate as myself.  They didn’t have a loving, supportive husband … they didn’t have a great family & friends to call upon for advice and help … and they didn’t have a job or were struggling to make a living.  And yet they made it work even under the most unthinkable circumstances which reminds me of how blessed I am.

So I resolve (and often times I have to keep reminding myself) to take it one day at a time and not get too caught up in the “what if’s”, the “are we’s” and the “am I’s.”  This is oh so very difficult for me so like I said, I have to keep reminding myself …  but remind myself I do!  It will all work out and I just have to trust in myself and have a little bit of faith!


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